— I cannot do that, - she called me with tears. — Hold on. Let me come over, - I said. — No, just do what you need to. We are going to loose time, - she tried to push me back. — Let me come and we will figure everything out, - I pushed through.
I lost only 15 min to get to her. But there I was. For her. Near her.
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We fixed her challenges and did everything we needed to do then. But what she got was not a fix for her problems.
She had a person, giving her a feeling, she is backed up.
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Later on that night I needed to have myself backed up.
But I hurt so much, that I couldn’t word “Come, be with me, back me up”. All I had was a fountain of emotions and a lot of pushing back, same as my friend did the same day to me.
But nobody pushed me into coming over and gave me a f*cking hug. No matter that I said “I don’t need that”, somebody had to be powerful and pushy for me.
I was left alone with my hurt.
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I know how to get the biggest life lessons and growth from these one-on-ones with pain. And I did this time. One of the most profound uncovering surfaced up, and I am glad they did. This has already formed a direct path for my future life.
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At the same time, I'd rather get support than a life lesson.
And I cherish the many moments I am backed up by my people:
With a genuine talk.
Being blindly supported “I am with you, no matter what you decide or do”
Being hosted overnight or even for a couple of months.
Having financial support, even when I am too proud to accept not only cash, but even a discount.
Being wrapped in arms and getting a good squeeze till I feel safe (by the way, helps with panic attacks on physical level)
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How this relates to energy
Your tribe - is an essential ingredient of Emotional energy.
If we are emotionally energetic:
we can take risks and bold actions - thus feeding mental energy;
we produce good hormones - thus feeding physical energy;
we can show up at our highest self, as we feel safe - thus feeding spiritual energy.
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Our tribe, our people, the ones we can trust and be ourselves around them - this is like a
social cushion, that gives us freedom to be our true selves.
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Take action
Build your tribe.
Search for people around whom you can be yourself, nourish and invest in these connections.
Don't jump into solving. Be a support first, then help solve the problem.
Sawubona = I see you from Zulu language. Best explained, Susan David in her TED talk about emotional courage. I encourage you to watch/listen with pen and paper.
I am grateful to my mom, my two best friends, who had the most intimate and supporting conversations with me.
I am grateful to the person, who caused me pain. I'd never discover about myself what I learned yesterday.
I am grateful to people, who I know I can reach out and say freely "I need a friend"
And I am adding a project to my todo list: to build a support system within a hug distance. Because a simple hug could have saved me from a lot of pain yesterday.
Now, tell me
What do YOU walk away with from this email?
I'll reply, you know that :)
Hey, I am Olena Sadoma,
energy coach
I am fuelled by seeing people shine up, when they live their most courageous lives and dreams. I am all about working with energy and states that propel you to take action.
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